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Teach your children to be orderedEducating in habits is often a task difficult, and even tedious, but very beneficial to the well-being of parents and the future autonomous development of their children, and their integration into society. The child will also be forced to comply with a number of social standards, and will have to abandon the role of carefree child who has always parents covering her shoulders, to engage their peers in situations in which you must have learned certain rules, among them to be ordered.
Our task as parents or educators is to instill in children the habit of the order because it is fundamental to achieving autonomy in their adult lives. Despite living in a society that treats children as helpless and in need of help for all beings, we cannot deny them the gift of independence nor let show you how capable that are to engage in their daily activities.
It may perhaps seem much more comfortable and faster to go back of them collecting all the disorder they cause, but this is only a short-term solution that will generate a feeling of tyrants at the beginning, and inept with the passing of the years, that it will affect low self-esteem to children.
Is it important to teach your child to be orderedWhen children are young, it is time that adults in their environment make up much of his personality so they can learn what is good and what is wrong, what to do, and should do so. At this stage you can choose between not strive and have a little dictator at home that you feel frustrated by not always get their desires outside the home, or strive for to be responsible and know to balance their behavior to adapt to the requirements and others.
Maintain orderly spaces reported benefits to the health of the family. In a suitable environment will reduce both the personal stress and the family, since it will dramatically reduce the time dedicated to search for any object and avoid confrontations of chaos ("you will know where you stored it", "If you recogieses your stuff...", "now that I don't have time I have to put me to find that," etc). Therefore, the entangled that often accompanies these situations is replaced by calm and rest, both mental and physical. In addition to the time which is won when you know the location of every thing.
Self-esteem and self-concept are key both for children and for adults in adopting this habit. If it gets to be self-employed and check that is becoming increasingly more things alone, their self-concept it will be more positive, and therefore self-esteem will feel more and more capable. On the other hand, for parents see that their little ones will flourish will make you feel that they are doing a great job.
At the cognitive level the order not only creates structures and patterns of tremendous utility in the future, but it also helps to improve long term memory. When we are in a cluttered environment, we just finding things by simple probability; We know that they are in a room and it is a matter of time that appear. On the other hand, when we have a definite order we know where to go, since we have been able to transfer to our memory all the spaces where they are objects which we may need.
In addition, respects the common thanks to the order good since everyone understands the importance of keeping it, and take care of everything that is in the House; It is anyone, everything has to treat well and must be picked up.
When to start the development of the habit of the orderThe most suitable to begin stage to instill the habit of the order is early childhood education, since it is the time in which children begin to understand orders and to internalize the social behaviors they see and are taught that.
Specifically the ideal age would be, for the majority of the children, between the two and three years. This is because they are already completely autonomous, both gross motor skills and fine, that provide the tools required to complete the actions required them; Furthermore, they are in a phase of its cognitive and linguistic development in which are beginning to understand the reasons for which adults ask things, and it can ask what they do not understand.
"My son is eight years old and is a junk, your room is always messy. So, is too old? "." This question can arise to anyone to see that the ideal age is between the second and the third year of life, and his son has already passed this stage. The answer, however, is very simple: "no, is is never too old to learn"; even for adults is late.
It is true that with the passage of time our cognitive structures are made more rail and our thoughts are focused on increasingly defined directions, but that is not an insurmountable obstacle. The difference is that with the passing of the years any habit learning requires more and more will on our part. Two years you learn naturally, since the baby's mind does not understand what is normal and what is rare; If it is taught that the usual thing to do is to collect, so it always means it. On the other hand, if eight years than usual has been having an adult after you arranging your misfortunes, the strange thing is that the small think that normal is to be the one who arrange that rolled back.
One of the most problematic ages in this learning will be between three and four years. Henri Wallon educator says that at this time the child enters that named opposition phase, which has discovered his self and need to assert their own identity, which achieved refusing to follow the orders received, always tense family coexistence. We must not forget that this is just a phase and that we must live with the greatest possible naturalness. On the other hand, this same author notes that five years appears the imitation phase, where the child seeks to find its models of behavior and to please adults behaving like them; This is a perfect time to give a boost to the acquisition of habits, including that of the order.
Once we know the best ages to teach them to be ordered, we need to know where and when action must be taken. The answer is simple: whenever we appreciate disorders caused by children. Well it is true are the moments in which this occurs most frequently when you change clothes and leave everything pulled, when it plays out much of their toys without picking them and, finally, at lunchtime when at the end of rises and leaves everything on the table. These three situations are the most common, but we must work with them at any time that is needed.
Guidelines to instill the habit of the order in childrenTo get your kids to be ordained, first you have to make the child part of the importance of the order and the care of the spaces and objects that occupy them (clothes, toys...). Therefore have to show him that he is also responsible for them and you have to try to be all right, as do adults live with that. This is related to a guideline that is essential for any thing that we are going to teach them: should be good role models. How pretend that a child pick up his toys if we stacked our stuff all over the House?
Apart from being an appropriate reference model, follow these guidelines will help you instill in your children the habit of the order:
Create a table (with a cardboard or a small slate) where the child has targeted its tasks (if you cannot read, using images or precise drawings), is a good trick so you go making increasingly small tasks. It will not only be a list where to check if they do or not, and where you can go controlling its progress, but that your son will know what to do and when. This can serve to reinforce his behavior when it is fulfilling tasks over a period of time (they must be stipulated in advance) as, for example, "If today pick up all your toys, you can take your favorite dessert", "If this week make your bed every day, the next week you will read one short story". These reinforcements you must go deleting, as the tasks that your child has already internalized, to teach new ones that will be awarded. We must go slowly teaching him to do different things (pick up their toys, dishes, clothes, made the bed, sitting down to study only...).
The site of every thing must be clearly defined and the family must know it. For the child at the beginning it will be more complicated to learn it, but provided you can use signs that will help you find every space. If small is not has ventured into literacy, have a good chance to help: to the side of the names put drawings and it interiorizará so that those letters mean that represents the image that is able to recognize.
The things of your child should be as accessible as possible for him, either in your room or anywhere else to save them. I.e., if it does not reach to the bar where your pants are hung not may collect them. If the toys and books are placed on high shelves, you may not reach them, or return to your website after use.
Negotiates with him where to store things in their personal space; It is not necessary to impose your criteria and your sort order always. If the child prefers to keep the buildings in a drawer and costumes in the of to the side, to accept it, since it is not important for us and for it can be Yes; In addition, you will feel that it makes its own decisions and will be easier to do it. What is essential is to keep the established order; somewhere and tomorrow in other things cannot be saved today just because you feel like a child.
Try to see the acquisition of the habit of the order as a game. Encourage him to trying to do it faster (but always well), making this a small competition against itself and against time. You will see a great incentive in trying to overcome your own records. You can also use music that you like so that you associate the order to something that is pleasant.
Get involved in the learning process.The adult attitude is basic, and must show us participatory, help the child with the tasks that he alone cannot be (help is not done), praising him when he does so well, both at home as showing off in front of him on the street so you feel more motivated to continue, check that it is doing well their tasks getting close to see it every time it's done...
Be very specific and concise when ordering things to the small, especially when we are instituting the habit. Say: "pick up your room" is too ambiguous phrase that can be perplexing the child looking everywhere without knowing exactly what is expected of him. On the other hand, short and precise instructions are much more effective: "places your stories on the shelf", "keep all the paintings in the case", "puts structures in your box"..., and gradually you will see that this is how he should have followed the order of "pick up your room" that might be strange at the beginning.
The level of demand should be increased gradually. When it starts in the habit of the order it is more the will that the results (which are also important). I.e., if the child does chores, but not perfectly, don't worry and remember that he is a child who is learning. We can review your work and correct what is not good. Finally and after all, you are looking for is that you know the rules; It already refined them later.
Establishing routines is another highly effective guideline. The child will always know what comes after what you are doing, and learn after eating it must bring the dishes into the kitchen, that after playing pick up toys, or that just changing clothes should save it on your website or leave it bent over the Chair. The concept of immediacy, it is basic since it is the child to build a mental Association that relates to quickly disorder sort. We do not seek to get a robot that do everything mechanically, but learn a basic habit.
Collect, sort, clean... should never be a punishment. No make that small associated this type of essential activities for coexistence in society with unpleasant punishments and, since that so try to avoid them.
What to do if it refuses to pick up? First of all, do not collect us. If we win this challenge, you will know that you can go back to it another day even if you have to be more forced the situation. We just remind you that you must do, and ignore his behavior so that you get tired of facing an opponent who didn't find. Of course, also be must denied the possibility of doing other activities until it does not comply with his duty. The aim is summed up in that your eyes must be a: "you pick up, or pick", but everything from calm, no screams, no shocks... This is to educate.
Tips for teaching children to be orderedTo teach children to be ordered in addition to following a set of guidelines that we have explained in the previous section, the attitude of adults is very important and not making certain mistakes. We offer you some Tips on what you must and must not do to instill in your children the habit of the order:
1. the attitude of parents is essential: must be consistent, patient and realistic. We must understand that it is a daily work we are required to do for the sake of the children. If one day we work it, the next day not because we have not reserved enough time, the next we will see, etc., the child will understand that learning to be ordered is not important. As in everything concerning education, we have make an extraordinary patience gala, since the child can progress slowly, can have problems one day and make it worse... Remember that education is a background race.
2. not to be perfectionists and understand that you being so small are unable to pick up such as us; one three-year-old will even do so as one of eight does. Therefore must adjust our expectations to which you can give of themselves at every moment.
3.avoid stereotypes when it comes to show us as a model. If a child sees how her mother collects clothes, scrubbing dishes, makes food, sweeps the floor, etc., while his father is sitting watching TV with him, does not mean that this is a task both men and women, because in his house his father does nothing and his mother does everything. This kind of attitude is where your child learn what is what he believes he deserves and what not.
4. be careful with language, and so an appropriate measure would be to avoid the "help me to..." and replace it by "go to..." or "you have that...". With the first sentence shows that adult is responsible for and that the child is only an Assistant, while with the latter we are indicating that the responsibility also lies with the child and is he who has to do it.
5. be flexible. We must bear in mind that costs a child more control their emotions, and that a simple quarrel in the College may have affected much; Therefore, the days that are sad or melancholy at home must show some flexibility. This does not mean under any circumstances that you do homework for him, but yes you can help, or share tasks that always makes only. In these cases it is very important that you monitor if the child takes advantage or not in your good faith to rid themselves of their obligations; speaking with their teacher and that tell you if there has been something in the College (which pass outside the Center is something that is under your control).
6. a custom to avoid, and that it is widespread, it is to make the children to pick up a toy before removing the next. You do not do it, let them play on their micro chaos with everything what you require in your imagination, because this is the basis of creativity. That if, when you finish the game time will have to collect all.
7. consider what you need and what doesn't need your son, since maintaining order is complicated when the cupboards are full of clothes and toys spaces are overflowing. All the clothes that already too small or not will serve you the next season becomes a hindrance to keep order simple and accessible to the child. The same goes for toys when he has accumulated so many over the years that it is very difficult to establish an order for lack of space. As run out of toys it is rather delicate for a child, it is convenient that we sit down to negotiate with him, check what toys are those who no longer uses, and explain him that he should give them to other children. Parents must decide the amount of toys that are considered appropriate to withdraw, but it must be the child you choose are the expendable.
8. check the skills of your child before assigning a task that may cause an accident. If the child is still young, or we are not convinced of their ability to do something, we can seek a safer alternative until we make us of being able to carry out a task safely. For example, if you are concerned about that broken crockery or glassware bringing the table to the kitchen, we can put plates and plastic cups that, in the event of a fall, will not produce you any cut.
9. don't use large boxes to store their toys. Many times large boxes are used to amass all the toys in one place, something seemingly comfortable and quick to pick up, but to foster disorder and the loss of time, because whenever you want to take something you will have to remove everything in search of the desired object (if not above). By how common this kind of boxes which usually happen is that the child must take many things to find the toy you want, pick up everything again, and perhaps put back it out to search for something else, and so on, for what in the end parents will have to try to keep everything out and does not want to use. To avoid this, distributes their things in various drawers or boxes smaller and tagged, and so will go straight to what you want without having to stir everything.