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From a philosophical
point of view, every human being is unique and unrepeatable, i.e., each
person is individual beyond his relational character. True
happiness in life lies in the balance that emerges to be okay with
yourself, cultivate the moments of solitude, and also have social
relations of friendship, family and love. In essence, every human being must wager their own autonomy and independence from an emotional point of view to live.
However, there are situations in which it produces the opposite effect. There are couples who have a high degree of emotional dependence or, there are mothers who have such attachment to their children that frightened at the idea that children grow up, can also produce an emotional dependence on labour, and there are even addictions such as tobacco, alcohol, the game... All addiction is dependence that limits your life. In any type of unit, the person trying to cover in this way, to tip over on another person or activity, others empty having within itself. But rather than confront them, he diverts his focus towards a good, on the surface, more rewarding.
"Everyone is an individual, therefore, it is important to develop the emotional and affective autonomy"
However, any dependency, as its own name indicates, sooner or later derived in a choking situation, where missing inner freedom. What can be the symptoms of a problem of emotional co-dependency? Low self-esteem, sudden changes in mood, fear of change, excessive idealisation of another person, low tolerance to frustration and a low concept of itself, inability to set limits on certain relationships and say no...
It exceeds the unit with emotional intelligence
Dependents do not live his own life of truth because they focus in a way excessive in others. Therefore, should be aware that time passes and does not return. Uses emotional intelligence. Live your life, include others in your world, shares, let you know, love in freedom, as a person grows, evolves... But
do not want to merge you until the end with the personality of another
person that you admire him, because apart from being impossible, this
way only causes pain and unhappiness: you are the Center and engine of
Tips to avoid the emotional dependence in couple
Emotional dependence on the partner can be caused by problems of self-esteem. Thus,
someone who wants some himself puts its value in the love that receives
from another person, as if he needed to be saved by someone external. I.e., in a way, placed in the role of helpless victim towards life. It
is worth remembering that to be well along with another person,
previously, it is essential to be okay with yourself, otherwise, faced a
possible breakup, the person can fall into the existential vacuum more
absolute, in the drama of exaggerated of losing sight of its own value
as a person capable of being happy beyond to have or not someone on the
To delve into this issue, we invite you to watch a great movie from a human and also emotional point of view: under the Tuscan Sun. The story of a writer who has to start again after their separation, and discover the beauty of Italy, the happiness that he had always sought. The film may also want you always is love, starring Sandra Bullock, which reflects the history of a successful woman at social level that has to start all over again when discovers that her husband has been unfaithful. I had never been alone, however, is facing life with courage beyond the difficulties thanks to the support of her mother and her daughter.
Power your autonomy
There are metaphors that are totally harmful to a sense of real love. For
example, the idea that two people who love each other really are two in
one, in fact, this message breaks with that real individuality in a
relationship where two people, despite being a couple, have different
views and do not always want the same thing. The
idea of the soul mates also leads to the confusion of believing that a
couple is formed by two human photocopies that you want badly, that want
to be always together and do the same. On the
other hand, the message that sent many of the films of Hollywood is also
completely distorted while it is far from the real love.
Stories like Pretty Woman fed the myth of the blue Prince which places women in the position of being saved or rescued by a great love. Message that also grow girls from infancy through stories like Cinderella. This type of values, far from enhancing the autonomy in the person, make many of them feel lame and incomplete emotional level by associating the loneliness with the fact of not having a partner. The reality is that someone may be very accompanied in spite of not having a love story.
For example, at least one day a week, forcing you to yourself to carry out a plan alone: you can go to a Conference out of shops, a coffee in a cafe, stroll... As you develop more your autonomy you'll notice that also you can feel great in your own company.
Don't let your friends side
Emotional dependency can also be caused by jealousy. For
example, a girl may end up choking on the emotional level your partner
by not leaving that it relates to nobody more pure internal insecurity
(can also happen in reverse). In this context, it
should be recalled that at the heart of a relationship each one has to
have their own space to cultivate intimacy and make plans with friends.
In fact, much more fill a person feels in relation to friends, much better feel also in the bosom of the couple. A real love is the one who by way of coaching will help you be the best version of yourself. Therefore, when a friend offers you a plan, and in your mind that idea sounds like a waste of time, be very careful because you can that you are on the road to be reducing your world to your partner. It is a mistake to cling in an obsessive way a person, because in life, things change at the most unexpected time, there are tears, loves that are finished, and then, the people who have had extreme dependence on your partner realize that are single because they have abandoned the rest of the world. Learn from the mistakes of those who have acted in this way so that the same happens to you: love and friendship are two compatible entities.
Love is freedom
I.e., should remember the rules of
the game in love: it is impossible to love someone with the guarantee
that things will never change. So, stop thinking in the future and focus on the present, since this moment is the most important thing.
In addition, healthy love is that which helps the person grow. For this reason, help your partner to be better every day. For example, you can encourage him to fulfill their dreams, encourage you to spend more time with his family, who with his friends, who call their parents by phone...
The help of a coach or a
psychologist to overcome internal barriers can be positive to overcome
emotional dependence on the couple. However, in the majority of occasions, people do not attend the inquiry by this conflict, but on the contrary. They come when already practically, have little or nothing in common and each one makes your life in an independent way. This situation occurs because the dependency, as such, is not considered a problem by many people who suffer first-person.
You are looking for external motivations
You can perform the following exercise. Think
about what goals you would like to accomplish in the next six months in
the world of work, in terms of leisure and in your personal space. To set yourself goals that make you feel motivated, you'll notice that your life is not limited only to your relationship.
You make your own decisions
On the other hand, one of the
biggest problems of a dependent person is always waiting that external
person approval before taking a step in a direction. That is why, from now on, it tries to promote your own autonomy. We encourage you to make decisions without consulting with anyone more, relying on your own criteria. You can start by simple decisions that help you go gaining safety in you. At the same time, it is also very practical to do new things.
The fact that another person thinks differently or do something with what you are not agree, does not mean that you want less. It simply means that it is different to you, and that you have the right to decide based on your criteria. As a couple, there are decisions to be taken together because they affect both, however, there are also many decisions that affect only on an individual level. People who have emotional dependency, make individual decisions on a collective matter.
To deepen the bases of a mature love I recommend the following books: Manual for not dying of love, of Walter Riso, or may also be interested the book of Jorge Bucay entitled love each other with eyes wide open, showing the need for awareness and reflection to the feeling. From a literary perspective, God Book returns in a Harley, Joan Brady, is excellent for those girls that live attached to the idea of finding the love of his life and was always impatient to know someone who produces them illusion.
The emotional dependence of fathers to children
There are parents who have
emotional dependence with respect to their children, and in turn, to
have this behavior on the emotional level, also make their kids to be
dependent. When this situation occurs? When the parents projected their dreams in their children, forgetting that they have right to choose their own destiny.
On the other hand, also produced the emotional dependency when it is caused from the blackmail or manipulation. For example, a person who has been widowed can also fill that vacuum with an attachment that is disproportionate to their children. In the case of those parents sobreprotegen their children also occurs an unhealthy dependency, because it is important to trust and delegate, respect the space of the other so that you can learn from their mistakes and get up after a fall. Otherwise, a child would be an eternal Peter Pan that has not grown because they have no practical experience of life. Learn how to support your children, without taking decisions for them.
How to limit dependence on parents to children
What can you do to limit the emotional dependence that a parent may feel about their children? Empty
nest syndrome affects especially those people who have turned to 100
per cent in the care of their children, leaving aside other important
areas of life. Therefore, it is best to take precautions before it reaches such a situation. You
can sign up for a course in a subject that you like, search for
occupations in your routine, it involves your children in the
accomplishment of the tasks of the home so there is equality.
To put an end to any type of emotional dependence is worth do the following exercise: writes in a folio blank all negative points causing you to have such a degree of involvement with another person. The dependency is not bad, only when it occurs in an extreme way. I.e., in essence, at the social level, all depend on all human beings is social in nature and was born in a family.
It is also important to be receptive and open to constructive criticism from others. Normal, in a situation of dependence, the person focuses only on someone and neglects the link with others. For this reason, than usual is that at some point, someone in the environment claim more attention. In this sense, it is best to avoid harsh criticism and opt for an assertive affirmation of the type: "You miss, I'd like that I had more in mind because I'd like to spend more time with you". Love is always the best formula to reach the alien heart, on the other hand, the reproach is not a positive alternative.