The grief process, how to deal with a near death

The grief process

One of the most sad and painful situations that we have to face sooner or later is the death of a loved. When we lose someone we love normal it is to be sad, with the feeling that something about you has changed and is gone forever. This pain which, as we shall see later, varies in intensity and is said by some people to others, signals the start of a path individually and inevitable to accept that our loved one is gone forever: the duel.
The word duel (from the latin dolus) means pain. According to the Diagnostic Manual of the mental disorders, grief is a process of varying duration and intensity that passes an individual who suffers a loss. In itself, the grief is a normal process that serves an Adaptive function: help us to assimilate the loss and to learn to live without the person who has gone. As it's a normal process, initially not necessary a specific intervention, provided that the affected person has adequate resources, both internal and external, to deal with the loss of the loved one.
While the person in mourning is willing to overcome this pain, in this case more than ever the rush are not good. One of the questions most frequently posed the suffering in these circumstances is "how long I will continue feeling so bad?". The answer is not easy, since the duration of the mourning process is highly variable and depends on each person and their circumstances. In general we can say that, as a minimum, you must pass a year for loss. However, more recent studies argue that after a significant loss the plaintiff begins to recover in the second year. The overcoming of the anniversary of the death of being wanted, as well as passing through dates, are crucial aspects to overcome the grief.

Phases of the bereavement of a loved

Know the phases of the bereavement of a loved, helps the bereaved to understand your pain and to adopt coping resources with each of these, which are:

• Numbness or shock phase: any reactions as stunning, denial, anger, and non-acceptance of the loss.
  
• Longing and search phase: the person feels an intense longing and searching for the deceased person. The physical restlessness and permanent thoughts about the deceased is common at this stage.
  
• Phase of disorganization and despair: highlights the symptoms, similar to depression, as it is the case of apathy, indifference, insomnia, weight loss, and the feeling that life has lost sense. All this is accompanied by constant memories of the deceased.
  
• Phase of reorganization: they begin to send the most painful aspects of the duel, and the patient begins to experience the feeling to return to his life. At this time the memories of the deceased combine emotions such as joy and sorrow

It is important to note that these phases in any case are static. I.e., while progress in the grief process, there may be days (or even weeks) in which the person feel as bad as at the beginning of the process, without this meaning that has receded in the elaboration of the duel.

Complicated grief

Most of the time the process of mourning for the death of a loved one takes place in a natural way, but in some cases it is altered, resulting in a 'complicated grief'. This type of duel involves processes that do not go towards the assimilation or accommodation of the loss but, instead, lead to stereotypical repetitions or frequent interruptions of the cure. Some symptoms to identify that it is going through a complicated grief are:

• The person can not speak of the deceased without experiencing intense pain, although it has been a long time.
  
• Events relatively unimportant triggered an intense emotional reaction.
  
• In the content of his speech are issues of losses.
  
• You don't want to get rid of things from the deceased, it wants to leave all the same.
  
• Develop physical symptoms as those who experienced the deceased.
  
• Appear radical changes in your lifestyle, avoid friends, activities associated with the deceased...
  
• Appears a feeling of persistent guilt, low self-esteem, false euphoria, etc.
  
• There is a tendency to imitate the deceased person.
  
• It experiences an inexplicable sadness.
  
• A phobia may appear to the illness or death, often related to disease which suffered from the deceased.

How to deal with grief by the death of a loved one

To be able to deal with grief by the death of a loved, the first thing that we need to take is that the duel, hurts. Some people insist on wanting to remove the pain of loss, patologizando, wanting to delete it with medications miraculous or false encouragement. This attitude will not do more than prolong the duel, making difficult it and making us believe sick. For this reason, accept the pain is the first step to keep in mind to deal with this painful experience. However, to adopt the following attitudes may relieve pain:

• Lean on the people who surrounds you; they are the best therapists. First support should always come from friends and close relatives. If you think that you saturate your space, please do not hesitate to say so.
  
• Assimilates the loss at your own pace: for example, if you pick up their things do it at your own pace; It is important to know that you have to do it, but not immediately, but when you find yourself with strength.
  
• Express your emotions: during the development of the duel can experience some contradictory feelings. Others may seem you up to Dantesque. It is good to express your discomfort when you need it and, in the same way, when you do not want to talk about it let know so people who may be insistent in talking about the issue.
  
• Accepted thinking of the absent person, and allow yourself to feel bad (cry, believe that nothing makes sense, etc). There is an erroneous trend in our society which consists in not allowing us to think about what hurts us. This is a mistake, since these memories in a moment will produce you strong emotions, but as you progress the duel will lose emotional intensity.
  
• Allow yourself to be happy: not suffering more more crying. There are even studies that claim that since the first moments of the loss the plaintiff can feel positive emotions.
  
• You never take psychotropic drugs on their own or because others have recommended them for you. This type of drugs must be prescribed by a specialist.
  
• Appreciates the need to ask for psychological therapy if necessary: If the duel continues too, where unrest is not relieved with the passage of time or becoming increasingly intense, if you don't get to redo your life, if you desire to go with the deceased... Therapy can help you to control your thoughts, to face decision-making, to regain your life, and to reduce the emotional activation.

And remember that when someone dies, never will entirely. Always there is something of that person in you; in your memories, your habits; Sometimes, even, in your way of being. Somehow, do your reminiscence of his life, something extraordinary.

Article contributed for educational purposes