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Wendy syndromeSurely had heard of the syndrome of Peter Pan, perhaps, many you may have wondered whether Wendy syndrome as opposed. You put the following exercise and get the answer: closes his eyes and returns to the country of Neverland. Wendy is the girl who takes care of the characters in the story in the world of fantasy, which is capable of doing what to what Peter Pan does not dare, assumes its risks, responsibilities, etc., but always remains in the background. Peter Pan, is the protagonist who succeeds through the efforts of Wendy. Open your eyes and back to real life sounds? Surely if you are not yourself, any Wendy you has come to mind. It is not a fairy tale character, Wendy there is real and is a problem that requires that you act to soclucionarlo.
Affected by the syndrome of Wendy's profileWendy syndrome refers to the need to satisfy and fill wishes to another person, which commonly tends to be the partner or children. Cultural influences make women who are more likely to suffer from this problem.
Although this syndrome does not have clinical entity in the principal diagnostic manuals, the truth is that there are a number of defining characteristics of the same and that they can help us to define the profile of a person affected by Wendy syndrome:
- Person that perfectionism leads to feel guilty when something goes wrong, especially when it comes to meet others.
- Feel essential; It is she who should be responsible for doing things.
- Your idea of love is equal to the sacrifice. He is resigned to the discomfort, fatigue and other negative consequences that brings with it the wear due to the care of another person.
- Assumes the responsibilities and tasks of its Peter Pan, by which, in case of not being, assumes the role of mother of her partner.
- It avoids conflicts and tries to make happy the other person leaving aside his own happiness.
- He apologizes or feel guilty for things that have not been possible.
Wendy syndrome causesIt fear of rejection or abandonment is the main cause which, in interaction with other variables (being female, cultural influences, educational style, personality traits, etc.) may give rise to the syndrome of Wendy. This fear irrational and pathological features makes that compulsively fulfill the wishes of others assuming the responsibilities of the other person and overloading are themselves, so, although they usually are unaware of it, the truth is are strong women with a great capacity to tolerate frustration. However, these two features as commonly desirable handle them against.
The cultural influences or an educational style that highlights the figure of the woman as caretaker and head of family burdens can increase the probability that will have this syndrome, since it promotes the idea of women as responsible for the care and welfare of others.
On the other hand, traits of personality such as low self esteem or introversion, together with the need of affection are other major reasons that give rise to this problem.
Consequences of the syndrome of WendyWendy syndrome is difficult to detect, since in many contexts behavior that women who suffer it carries out is considered as the desirable. Therefore, must be considered the influence of culture to consider this behavior as a disorder or not. However, regardless that these behaviors are considered as a syndrome or as it expected, the truth is that "living well" brings with it a number of consequences on the emotional level and partner:
- Sadness and loneliness: these people end up feeling alone, with nothing to satisfy them. In addition, seldom is thanks for something that they themselves are to be considered as "a right".
- Depression and anxiety disorders: feel that they do not reach all what are proposed to be linked to the lack of reinforcement by the environment around you can lead to emotional problems.
- Burnout (be burned): this syndrome, commonly associated with work, can also appear here by the inconsistency and ambiguity of tasks, lack of time for herself, etc. This makes them feel exhausted and at the limit of its possibilities.
- Relationship issues: syndrome makes it impossible to the principle of equity in the partner from which both members are equal when it comes to assume responsibilities.
Prevention and treatment of the syndrome of WendyAs in the case of Peter Pan syndrome, also in the syndrome of Wendy best prevention comes from childhood. It is at this stage begins when our social and personality development when form the roles associated with our identity. Therefore, it is very important the educational style and beliefs that we transmit to children in those moments through standards (the girl puts the table while his brother rests) or through the games (how many times have seen a child playing nurse? In the best cases are physicians who nurse helps them complete their successful work). Therefore, it is important to educate on equality since childhood.
Also take care of our self-esteem will help to prevent this type of disorder. A person with healthy self-esteem is able to review its concept of love coming to realize that far from being resignation or sacrifice, love is a means of obtaining of nice things on both sides.
Wendy syndrome treatmentPut an end to the idea of "If me much effort for you you'll see that I love you and so I will not leave" is the basis of the therapy in syndrome of Wendy. The main aim of the therapy is that to lose the fear of being abandoned or rejected if they don't do everything the other wants, since, if not work this idea irrational, it is difficult to modify their behavior. Therefore throughout therapy is reviewed with the patient in what other situations of his life has behaved that way in order to help you to be aware of their fear.
Subsequently, using cognitive techniques is the irrational idea today teaching you to see the relationship with their behavior, helping you to realize at the same time on how this fear doesn't help you to achieve your goal, but into a vicious circle in which their fear is increased by the "no requirement" of attention and affection by the other.
At the same time, should be trained to the patient in interpersonal skills such as learning how to "say no" and delegate tasks, in order to promote the principle of equity in the couple whose relationship is frequently impaired.
Finally, Wendy syndrome may not be such and masking a need for control to the other ("if I take essential for you, I have more power than you; you control). Only a thorough diagnosis can differentiate both problems, which will carry with it a different treatment.