Are you an undecided person? Learn how to make decisions
To live is to decide. Decision-making is a task implicit in human life since its inception. In all times and cultures the human being has had to make choices about different aspects of their daily lives. In our day to day decision-making is a task that we must assume. Failure to do so can bring major repercussions since one or other decision making is no longer the problem to be the fact of not having taken.
"And if not I?" Sometimes you can get lucky and things are "resolved alone", but, unfortunately, the time it does everything on your website as many believe. Sometimes you put it or is realigned. Do not make decisions in the short term relieve the uncertainty of doubt, that in the short term the problem seems to be turned out, however long term can have a significant impact as:
• Low levels of self-esteem.
• Social inhibition.
• Low frustration tolerance.
• Feeling of lack of control over your own life.
• Interference to social and professional level.
• Greater impact by not solving the problem.
Discover with our test of insecurity if you're an indecisive person.
Why it costs us make decisions?
A decision is to take a loss, and nobody likes to lose things. While this is the essence of why they do not take decisions, the truth is that we do not simplify all cases to the same reason. In most cases, the combination of the following factors are involved in our indecision:
• Fear of failure: there are people that do not allow the slightest error and considered that they should always be competent in everything you do. For this reason, their decisions must be perfect.
• Not knowing to see several alternatives: things are not "a" or "b" or white or black. However, there are people who see beyond the first choices that come with the head, therefore, nothing convinces them.
• Lack of confidence in your abilities to solve problems: some people come into the loop. I.e., once they have taken a decision again back and begin the entire process again to choose from, entering an infinitive loop associated with significant levels of emotional discomfort. Some studies argue that while such people have good skills to solve problems, the truth is that they do not trust in these skills, do not believe it is. This fact is associated with a low level of self-esteem.
• Dictatorial educational styles: authoritarian parental model is that children do not receive training to make decisions throughout their personal development, making it reach adulthood without knowing to decide. This is because they have learned that things are already determined by others.
• Dependence on others: may be due to the above or to the polar opposite, namely an educational style overprotective where others were excessive by make life easier for you.
• Avoiding discomfort coping style: some people refuse to make decisions because they refuse to accept the discomfort that can be implied that task. In this way in the short term they reduce your discomfort, but ultimately this is greater and also do not acquire tools to solve problems effectively.
• Lack of maturity: sometimes fantasizes about the ideal situation knowing that you would not take it out, not taking the reins of the situation and falling into a childishness in the decisions taken.
• Trend towards procrastination: If you can solve it today, why leave it for tomorrow?
Prevention: how not letting others decide for you
Avoid the problem of indecision does not pass by a specific behavioral change, but a change of attitude towards the problems. To do this, we must have a positive or active guidance to difficulties, what it means to see them as a challenge, being optimistic about our ability to solve them. To do this, you must assume that a good decision making requires you to invest time and effort in your solution. The good news is never free, but it requires effort.
A good decision making requires you to invest time and effort in your solution
You must also agree that although the ideal situation is not possible that does not mean that the option taken has to be bad. It is simply different.
On the contrary, stay away from the negative attitude to the problem. To do this, not values decision-making as a threat of insoluble problems, most are not. Much less doubt your ability to make a decision, because if you doubt, you'll doubt the rest. No one but you can convince yourself of your own abilities. Also assumes that go wrong when making the decision is part of the deal... and life.
Treatment of indecision: today I decide I
If the lack of capacity to decide becomes commonplace and interferes noticeably in your day to day, it is time to take in the matter. Psychological therapy more employed to solve it is known as training of resolution of problems, D'Zurilla and Goldfried, whose phases are:
• Orientation towards the problem: is related to a particular problem. For example, "do I buy a car?". Once we have related what we should ask ourselves if the problem is solvable by us and if it is worth investing effort and time to do so. If the answer is Yes, continue with the next phase.
• Problem definition: consists of understanding the problem in response to the questions about what it is exactly, when it appeared... Continuing with the previous example, tell yourself that you have to buy a car or not, does not fit anything. The problem is not really that, the correct way to reformulate it should be: "I need to buy me a car a few months ago and I can not make up my mind if I then regret because of the economic cost involved... or if it annoys you to my partner or... If it is not needed, etc".
• Search for alternatives: life cannot be reduced to two alternatives, so think what more possibilities you have. At this stage should not matter to some of them you are absurd, there will be time to assess them. For example, the problem of doubt about you or not to buy a car can propose you alternatives as wait to be more clear, give you a time limit and check purchase options, buy it now, not buy it, rent one until you have clear, buy but economic one, and so on. As you can see at this stage is more important the number of alternatives that the quality of the same. How many more better.
• Choice of the alternative: you must select the alternative that more benefits you in the long run. Therefore, look for the option or combination of options that you will most benefit. For example, you can decide not to abandon the idea of buying the car but go shuffling options with your partner.
• Devises a plan of action: imagine implementing the selected alternative. If you are really able to do it, later, if not, select another more suitable for your way of being / acting. There are some ideal alternatives, but that times we don't feel able to do. For example if you need already car is possible that you have to make a decision as soon as possible and you can not see more possibilities. It is important that you fits your plan of action to your way of being.